Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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