Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
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