Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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