so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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