so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
