I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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