Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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