So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
