where am i from again
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
