Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
