1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I checked into jail on foursquare
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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