I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm too high and old for this...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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