Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
