Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
