Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
