He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
