I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
