One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
