I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
