These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
