i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
