I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
