Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
