i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
