Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
