Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
