he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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