guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
