mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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