Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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