I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
