Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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