So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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