is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
