I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
ttyl tear gas
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
