Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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