Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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