Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
