I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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