My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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