yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
