well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
