My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
