I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
