she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
