Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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