Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
