My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
