Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
