You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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