the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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