We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
